Social Studies was a total letdown. reading the question wrongly was just too horrible. my distinction just went down the drain like that. but this let me see through even more.
while i was whining away, never did i realise it was due to my overconfidence which led to an overlook of the question, of course that includes the insufficient time i have to do my SBQ. most importantly, i used to pray indivitually before the paper, but today i didn't. i actually thought i was careful enough and that i can trust myself (after this, it shows that im not trust worthy at all) , that's why i didnt stop my pen and make a prayer, instead i continued cause every minute was precious for humanities.
not only that, the sad thing is i thought my performance was alright, but yet when i phoned my cousin, everything was gone case. i could hear thunder and the world crashing down on me ( for effects ) it was heart breaking! i broke down, literally. COMBINED HUMANITIES is one subject i really wanted to ace, REALLY. maybe some people think it is just 7marks gone, and since the paper is over, let it be. but it is just to difficult for me to accept such carelessness.
maybe if my cousin had not talk about that question, i'll be happier..
however, it is just God's plan for all these to happen.
- i rather rely on myself then to take a minute out to pray indivitually
- i thought i was careful enough and that the strength i have for today is enough for me
to persevere throughout the papers
- all i did when i realise i did the question wrongly was to whine about my distinction.
i thought about it. my mindset was totally wrong. what for think and dwell over that distinction.
it is just a virtual A1 that i will not bring it with me for eternity. i will not be judged based on my academic performance at the very end of the Day. and the worst thing is, all along i've been doubting about myself being faithful and entrusting myself in His hands. am i just like any other - coming to God when i'm need of help? Maybe i guess.
i thought through it in the afternoon.
i cried not because it was for myself but instead, i felt i was such a letdown. why am i thinking about my As Bs Cs Ds Es even Fs or maybe Zs, does it matter at all? i guess the more important thing is the process, have i grown closer to God or have i been praying really hard for my As more than anything else? all along, i guess ive been pursuing for my greed in the human world. most of the time, it was for the things i hope for. i feel horrible not totally because of my results now but for who i was in the past - someone unable to settle down and really, sincerely, faithfully wanting to worship God all the time.
i guess through this O's i have understand much more. well, of course i'm still struggling to understand more, for you know, i'm quite a slow person. as for my results, i got nothing much to comment, it's all in His plan, isn't it? it was long planned already. the more important is i've learnt something through the process and i'm glad that i have. instead of drowning in sorrow, i guess i should think about how can i do my part as a faithful servant to the Most High. after all, i'm seeking for a purpose in life, not the success in career, but being able to serve Him with the talents i'm given.
lastly, i'm sorry clement for whining at you for about 12minutes. i know you're trying really hard to console me but somehow i can't seem to settle down. i was just too agitated, seriously. thank you for your concern. of course, i'm glad to have so many brothers and sisters in Christ and friends who were really nice to me, encouraging me in one way or another.
Thank You Lord.
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